He's Not Yours

We have no idea how long this little guy will be with us. Sometimes we forget this is something we wonder about. Other times its all we think about. In the times when we forget this isn't permanent, he feels like ours. At times he fits in with our family as if he's been here all along. He recently went through a growth spurt and needed new clothes and it was in this moment I realized he's been around for awhile! We have almost hit the 8 month mark. We were even able to celebrate Christmas with him and at one time we were told that wouldn't happen. Here we are in February and we still don't know the outcome.

When you do all the things a parent does you forget he's not yours and you do the parent things. You love the little guy. Then something happens to remind you he is not yours.

The social worker calls and asks for a visit. His mom texts and asks to see him. A family member calls and updates you on their life. A person with a vested interest texts and asks for facetime call. It all happens in 48 hours. It can be quiet for weeks and this is when you forget he's not yours. When things are quiet. When you can hear yourself think. This is when life just feels normal and pretty good. Things settle down and you get into a rhythm but still he's not yours.

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The mental game is strong. So is the heart game. Here's a a semi unfiltered view into my thoughts.

He's yours. He's not. He's here for awhile. I really have no idea how long he's here, why do you keep trying to figure that out? How is this going to end? Quit thinking about that. Where will he be? Should I sign him up for kindergarten? Nah, I'll wait, no rush. Should I buy him that large toy? How do I transport it to his new house? How do I get him attached to these people over video? Should we sign him up for spring sports? Why didn't you just take the chance he would be here and put him in winter sports?! I should do Spring and just see what happens. He's so cute. Man he drives me nuts. I should read that book about trauma it would probably help us. I don't want to, its too heavy I need something light. How are the kids going to take it when he leaves? How can I prepare them for that? How do I prepare myself for that? I'm going to bed.

There you have it. The crazy rabbit trail of my thoughts.

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Prayer Requests

1. We have almost hit the 8 month mark. Although we had asked for long term placements, my heart is sad we have had him for this long. My heart is also happy we have had him for this long. Please pray permanency planning for this little guy is finalized soon.

2. Please pray for our hearts that God will start preparing them for his departure. I have no idea when that will be, but I do know it will happen.

3. We have a family member coming to visit from out of province next week for the first time. Pray we all stay healthy and pray against Covid. Pray the visit goes well. Pray our little guy feels comfortable and safe and has fun! Pray Pray Pray.