The Weight of it All

Thinking about where we were when I last sat down to write seems like yesterday, but in a whole other way it seems like a year ago. I know we all have the same thoughts about the last few months; its been hard, long, scary and unknown <insert a million other adjectives here> And that was just with Covid19. Now let's add on the tragedies that have been made public with the deaths of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor and many others. Now we have heartache, anger, confusion and rage <again, go ahead and add any other emotion you're feeling here>

During the last few months myself and my family have coped fairly well with everything that has been going on. Our routines have changed quite a bit, but we have coped well through it all. Jeff and I have been able to continue working. My mom has helped us immensely by taking care of the kids. I have adjusted my work scheduled so I can be home 2 days of the week while my mom assists us the other days. Jeff has also worked from home some days to be with the kids. We have done ALL the things. We have puzzled like crazy, I participated in my first TikTok, we've baked more, we started going on nightly bike rides. I have read more and Jeff and I binged watched Tiger King (not sure I would recommend!) We have made homemade ice cream, painted on our window, and we joined the community by putting hearts on the window. I did a Bible Study over zoom called The Art of Neighboring and met some new neighbors. I wrote the children's book I've always wanted to write (FYI it costs an arm and a leg to self publish a children's book!). We also went on some awesome hikes to Sask Landing, should have done that ages ago! We have done some things to keep busy! Haven't we all?! And it worked, it helped us cope. We focused on other fun things and it has gotten us this far.

Lately however things feel heavier. The world seems to be spinning and I can't seem to get a grip on it to slow it down. Since March I've been working at our Testing and Assessment Site as part of my redeployment. At the beginning staff were running on adrenaline. We were learning constantly, changing and adapting to everything going on. Things seemed to change by the hour. I've noticed in the last two weeks people are dragging their feet a bit. The adrenaline has worn off and the comradery has evaporated. This is reflective of how I am feeling lately. I'm dragging my feet, I'm feeling weighed down and I'm exhausted. The attitudes of the folks coming in to be tested for Covid19 have changed also. At first everyone was afraid when they came in, now they are annoyed and sick of it. And I haven't known what to say about it all. There is so much going on. I haven't known how to speak to all the heartache, trauma, and exhaustion people are experiencing these days. Then I sat down and cracked open my Bible and I read and prayed. God told me this:

Isaiah 40:28-31

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Philippians 2:13-14

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

I don't have to hold it all on my shoulders. It's not my job. It is not what I have been called to do. God will renew my strength so that I can press forward to the goal. The goal to win the prize of heaven knowing that through all this God has a plan. He wins. His love endures and He is good.

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Since this blog is about our fostering I should speak to where we are at today (June 7, 2020). We are still waiting to officially start fostering. This has been a major part of the feeling of frustration and weariness I have felt. I am trying to wait patiently on the Lord, as he knows the timing and how this is supposed to work out. Our hope is that once the daycares are officially open we can get a daycare space and start fostering.